Baby Borrowers

Normally, I don’t do reality TV.  And there are issues aplenty with this show, not the least of which is my inability to imagine handing over either of my own kids for a couple of kids to take care of.  And I know that participants on reality TV shows are generally chosen for their ability to incite strong emotions in viewers – usually annoyance.

But even so, there’s something a little cathartic about watching the kids trying to take care of the babies.  I’m closely related to someone who once mentioned something about wanting a baby because it would love her unconditionally (who then went on to have three and has taken those words back in spades), and I also remember feeling like I’d make a great mother at a young age because I loved holding babies.  I don’t think the kids should be ridiculed for being crap parents, since they basically have to hit the ground running, instead of having time to figure out each child’s personality.  Hell, there are times when I can barely figure out what the toddler is doing, much less what’s up with the baby, and I gave birth to them both.

But it’s still perversely satisfying to hear the kids make stupid pronouncements about their fitness as parents, only to see them crumble at the first sign of an all-nighter.  I especially liked how they partied the night before the babies came (I’m sitting here thinking “GO TO SLEEP, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!”…although that could be last night’s every-two-hours-and-he-still-wouldn’t-sleep-in-the-crib marathon talking).  I know I’m being manipulated by casting and editing, but it’s still weirdly validating to watch them stumble their way through the episode.

And one thing that’s kind of interesting is how sweet some of the guys are.  Surfer Dude, in particular, really seems like he’s trying hard to do the right things – reading the manual, listening to the baby’s father – and it’s kind of touching to watch.

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So, yes, they’re sleeping…for now.  The toddler’s post-trip nighttime forays peaked with her waking up at 3 or 4 every freaking morning and wailing that she couldn’t sleep.  I finally let her go get her blanket and sleep on the sofa in the living room, where she invariably fell right to sleep (when she came into our bed she couldn’t sleep – too much potential for socializing, I guess).  But what seems to have finally done the trick is letting the baby sleep in the crib in her/their room.  I’d kept him out until now, since he still wakes up multiple times during the night (WHY???) and I didn’t want her disturbed.  But she started asking if he would sleep in there with her, and since they couldn’t possibly disturb each others’ sleep any more than they were already doing at that point, I said sure, put him in there, and she’s been sleeping soundly ever since.  Even when he wails in the middle of the night, she just mumbles to herself, turns over, and goes back to sleep.  I think it’s a surveillance issue; she wanted to make sure that he wasn’t having some kind of nighttime fun that she was missing out on.

And, weirdly, ever since they’ve been in the same room she’s also gone back to being very sweet towards him.

Right now she’s going through potty training issues – as in, she won’t.  She talks about it a lot, but so far we’ve had one mostly-accidental poop on the toilet and that’s been it.  But my impression is that she needs to decide she’s going to do it on her own.  I feel like if I push much, she’s going to become that much more resistant to the idea.  It would be nice if we could at least be headed in the right direction by Fall, since the preschool she’s enrolled in needs them potty-trained…but my SIL says they’re pretty mellow about the whole thing.  Here’s hoping.

And baby boy is teething.  And trying to learn to eat solids.  And these activities seem to be mutually exclusive.  He’s only kind of interested in solid food (which surprised me; I figured he’d be all about the baby food), but he’s also not very interested in the breast, either.  Not that he doesn’t have reserves – he does.  But still…

Just more misadventures in parenting.  Maybe they should put me on the show for people to tsk over, too.

But oh those days…

As I wrote below, the years go fast, but the days drag.  And drag.  And drag.  Particularly when they begin at 5 with tears and whining.

I really have to fight to remember: 1) that the toddler’s mood is not the direct result of my bad parenting; 2) the big picture; 3) her sweet, cute moments.  When there seems to be absolutely no reasoning with her (I know – what reasoning can you do with a newly-minted three year old?  But she invariably demonstrates, in actions if not words, that she gets a good chunk of what I’m saying, so I tend to give her the benefit of the doubt), the first thing I do is second-guess my tactics.  Especially when said tactics – which are usually of the “be calm and firm” variety – get punctuated with flashes of frustration and anger on my part.  But “anger” here is generally of the raising-my-voice variety, so I don’t think I’m inflicting damage here.

And the big picture is important to me.  I know that a lot of what’s going on is her own inability to express how she’s feeling adequately, and I know that all of this is unlikely to last in the long term.  In the meantime, I want her to know that, however frustrated I may get, I love her and I’ve got her back.  I make a point of telling her the truth about what’s going on with me, and I get the sense that she responds well to that.  And I do make a big deal of the positive things – the fact that she managed to pee one drop into the potty this morning, or that she got out of the bath this evening without pitching a fit like usual (I swear I don’t know how/why this happened; usually she wails and splashes when she has to get out, but today I told her it was time and that she’d get out when the water drained, and when it was gone she stood up and let me help her out without a peep).

And, in the end, she is my beautiful, funny girl.  The kid cracks me up – she talks like Bugs Bunny (no, seriously, she does.  It’s getting less pronounced, but she sounds for the world like she’s from Brooklyn) and intones like Christopher Walken (again, this is true, but you have to be paying attention).  She’s trying so hard to put her big thoughts into sentences containing nothing but the words she knows, which makes for some pretty funny stuff (it’s even kind of amusing – in a frustrating way – when she tells me that I need to stop feeding the baby when she’s feeling jealous).  The moods and fits cloud her charms a bit sometimes, but I do know that they’re there – I just have to remind myself sometimes.

With the baby…well, it’s easy with babies, isn’t it?  At least this one.  He’s stupidly good-natured and he laughs easily and a lot.  He whinges a lot, too, but he’s so obvious about it (both of them are – neither of them will ever be a good liar, I think) that it’s kind of amusing.  But I love the toddler’s complexity as much as the baby’s simpleness.  Usually.

My Big Girl

My first baby turned three yesterday.  We’d had a hellish week, since she was still coming down from the trip (with all the attendant jet-lag and pooping issues that go with it) and was whiny and screechy and just generally unhappy.  Our visit with diapers, budgets & paint on Friday (my first face-to-face with a fellow blogger, and we had such a nice time!) went a long way towards improving her mood, but what really made the difference was – TMI alert here – two poopy diapers late yesterday afternoon.  I didn’t think she’d ever poop when there was so much commotion (something like a bazillion cousins all under the age of 10), but she did and it was the best birthday present I could have gotten (seriously, I came too close to actually showing people the evidence, I was so excited.  The toddler is downright ornery when she ceases to be regular, and we’d already pulled out the big guns last week in CA when she didn’t go all week, so I was really reluctant to do it again.  She was too, judging from her asking to be allowed to do it herself – and I’m glad we waited for her to do it on her own).

Anyway, you’d think the only thing that happened yesterday was that the toddler pooped, but, in fact, it was a busy day all around.  She went with Daddy – their first outing together!! – for breakfast at Ihop in the morning, and then we gathered up our supplies for the party and headed to my parents (much bigger and more centrally located)  house.  Family arrived after awhile, presents were had, and then a very sweet Costco cake.  We had more food than we knew what to do with, but my sister and SIL graciously took a good chunk of it home with them.

I mostly just can’t believe it’s already been three years.  The days, they drag sometimes; but the years seem to be whipping by…